Tuesday, October 18, 2005

failure complex...

like the saviour complex, i generate a failure complex like a woman generates her period... some bizarre monthly bout of depressiveness sets in because of some event i've labeled as a failing on my part...upon which i decide that i myself am a failure, couple that with lack of sleep and non-existant substance abuse - who needs weed when you're naturally paranoid. (insert crying violin here*).

it's a serious question: why do i let stuff i can't control get to me, and become an inherited thing, when there was little or nothing i could do to keep that event from occuring? are there other, more subtle reasons for the "downtime"? i become this bubbling, bungling dork who's apologizing for everything. who the hell experiences an entire day where every minute he/she feels like bawling not for any good reason? chemical imbalance? i know, it's a natural occurance, everyone experiences it, but that doesn't make it any less relevant to me in this moment...and that's where i am...i'm in this moment. listening to "Run" - Snow Patrol.

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