spitting blood

being on stage is really a bloody ordeal. if you're not shedding everything inside you that screams to fight against you, the personal tension just gives you away, and your have defeated yourself, overcoming nothing...and dying in the process...and everyone gets to watch...in that kind of "poor you" way that just makes you feel like you want to go hide in a closet. mistakes are one thing, not giving it your complete all, everything you are, in that moment, not living and ecompassing that moment, not even becoming that moment...is when the show becomes a pity party. i thought i saw my cousin in the audience...was a weird moment...