failure complex...

like the saviour complex, i generate a failure complex like a woman generates her period... some bizarre monthly bout of depressiveness sets in because of some event i've labeled as a failing on my part...upon which i decide that i myself am a failure, couple that with lack of sleep and non-existant substance abuse - who needs weed when you're naturally paranoid. (insert crying violin here*).

it's a serious question: why do i let stuff i can't control get to me, and become an inherited thing, when there was little or nothing i could do to keep that event from occuring? are there other, more subtle reasons for the "downtime"? i become this bubbling, bungling dork who's apologizing for everything. who the hell experiences an entire day where every minute he/she feels like bawling not for any good reason? chemical imbalance? i know, it's a natural occurance, everyone experiences it, but that doesn't make it any less relevant to me in this moment...and that's where i am...i'm in this moment. listening to "Run" - Snow Patrol.

The Best NYC Rock Shows This Week

Monday, 10.17.05
» Franz Ferdinana, TV ON THE RADIO - Madison

Tuesday, 10.18.05
» My Morning Jacket - Webster Hall
» Jared Scharff - Mercury Lounge

Wednesday, 10.19.05
» Death Cab for Cutie - Hammerstein Ballroom

Thursday, 10.20.05
» Mates of State, Bishop Allen - Bowery Ballroom
» The Bravery, International Noise Conspiracy, - Roseland Ballroom

Friday, 10.21.05
» The Rapture - Bowery Ballroom

Saturday, 10.22.05
» Back to Blonde - The Trash Bar

My Favorites: TV On The Radio, Back to Blonde

the days pass by too fast...

my guitar player broke his toe. fudge!!! (to quote a so-non-hanus movie).

new music this week...

My Morning Jacket - Z
Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
Bruce Springsteen - Greatist Hits
Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better
Nada Surf - the Weight is a Gift
Ryan Adams - 241 Single
Arctic Monkeys - Five Minutes with Arctic Monkeys

music this fall will suck ass...

i read in a rather large, well-known music industry magazine with the initials rolling stone that the scheduled music releases this fall don't look promising. on top of that, the labels hate steve jobs (apple) and he hates them back. what's new, eh? there is a slight dicotimy, living here in the big apple city, yet sometimes feeling a little distant from the upper echelons of the industry (or very distant...), and it all happens right here.

in other fascinating news, you'll soon to be able to host a radio show from your phone...hmmmm...

social fringelites

i'm a member of a social fringe. a circle on the edge of normal social spheres. many wish they could say that. i honestly can (or maybe i too wish i could...). many shun the very idea of social fringe(ness). they're initial reaction would be to refer to some "nut" on the edge of sanity.

however, there is an important distinction. being a member (or at one time, a member) of a social fringe does not mean you have the inability to relate to others. (although i would challenge an individual to define the concept behind "the ability to relate" without some sort of circular reasoning). but you and i get the gist (at least, i hope you do), so the "challenge" is pointless and a waste of time. what's the point of this rant? ha. good question!

learning to come to terms. i've met many individuals who experienced a similiar childhood to mine, and most are in the same boat, they're at some point of the journey. learning to accept the past, the influence the past has on the present, not being afraid to admit the past, going beyond in hopes that the experiences of our youth can have a positive influence on our present experiences, rather than to signify some sort of embarrasement.

it reads overdramatic. it probably even reads a little bit arrogant. i plead guilty to nothing. this is my way of dealing with it. i was homeschooled. there. i said it.

who wants to live forever

tim and i watched Queen's live DVD from 1982 (Live at the Bowl) today. It makes you scream and cry in the same breath. They were sooooo good. Watched an interview by some german news station of Freddy Mercury, talking about where they would be in ten years...eerie...